My Aine made her debut arrival in January 2013. It was the perfect New Year’s gift. As human beings, we usually make our plans and try to organize our lives in ways that we feel suit us. However, usually God has different plans for us and He organizes our lives in ways He is sure most suit us. That was the case in this chapter of my story. You see, my husband, son and I were born in November. My plan was that all my children be born in November. I also planned that there would be a three year gap between my children. I therefore “knew” the time I had to conceive and I made my “plans” around that timing.
When that time came, I started putting my plans into ‘action’ because according to me, my baby had to come in November. However, to my dismay, the next month, I still experienced the usual female monthly challenges (If you know what I mean). Well “THAT WAS NOT THE PLAN” I thought to myself. If I had not conceived in that window, my plan was totally ruined. I had to make one of two decisions, either to wait until the following year to try and actualize my plan of having all my babies in the same month, or I just work on having my baby so as to at least get my desired age gap. So I decided to do the latter so I would not lose on both my plans. Little did I know that God had another plan for me.
For the next one year, I faced disappointment every single month. I started to pray fervently for God to give me the desires of my heart. With each passing month, I was more disappointed than the previous one. God surely knew what I wanted and what I wanted would bring glory to His Name; so why was He not giving it to me? I did everything humanly possible, I had calendars and alarms and… you name it. Nothing worked!
A whole year passed by as I watched my second plan bear no fruit. I was very frustrated, even bordering depression. A few of my friends whom I shared with and asked to pray with me all told me the same thing, “stop thinking about it and trying to work so hard for it, just relax and it will happen.” How was I supposed to stop thinking about something I wanted so badly? Why were people so unrealistic with their advice? I couldn’t stop thinking about it even if I tried. I knew and did everything I needed to do in order to increase my chances but nothing worked.
One day I was having one of those tough conversations with God. I asked Him if He was surely going to let me have only one child even when He knew the desires of my heart. I cried out to Him and told Him that if it is what He wanted for me, then He should give me peace about it. After having that conversation with God, the one thing I know for sure is that He gave me peace. I stopped fussing about what was not happening and started to enjoy what I had. I deleted all the calendars and alarms and all the other crazy things I had in my phone. Heck I even resumed taking my glass or two or… many of wine. My life went back to normal after a whole year of turmoil.
I was so peaceful that I didn’t even notice when a month passed without me experiencing the normal processes of life as a female. Even when I started feeling constantly tired and sleepy I blamed it on fatigue from work. I took leave so as to get some rest from work, which had been hectic the last couple of weeks. During my leave, I still slept a lot and was constantly tired. I then got a thought to have a home pregnancy test and alas!! It was positive. I will not bother trying to explain the kind of emotions I experienced that morning.
The first three months of the pregnancy were so tough that I told God that I understood why He took His time. After that, I had a smooth ride and In January my little princess arrived. The joy in my heart was indescribable. God had finally answered my prayer in His time. The one thing I learnt during that time is that we cannot make our plans independent of God.
God has got us and He knows what is best for us. All we have to do is TRUST HIM ALWAYS!